Unity in Parenting: Navigating the Good Cop, Bad Cop Dynamic

In his insightful article, Ed Welch explores this dynamic and its impact on marriages and families.

 The good cop, bad cop scenario often plays out in households where parents have differing approaches to discipline and boundaries. One parent may lean toward grace and flexibility, while the other emphasizes rules and consequences. The good cop occasionally bends the rules when they are broken, while the bad cop insists on accountability.

Welch highlights the importance of unity in marriage. When parents are at odds over parenting decisions, they should actively seek resolution rather than resigning themselves to impasse. Wise parents recognize that their differences require prayerful consideration and hard work.

The secret-sharing game—when one parent tells a child, “Don’t tell your father [or mother],” and then modifies or subverts the other parent’s instructions—undermines marital oneness. Scripture calls for spouses to bless and honor each other publicly. Marital disunity resulting from these secrets can have lasting consequences, even into adulthood.

As children grow older, they may harbor contempt for the more restrictive parent. Meanwhile, the “don’t tell” parents often find themselves confessing their sins in both parenting and marriage. Repentance doesn’t always erase the impact of divided loyalties.

Permissive parents, take heed. Balancing out a “rigid” spouse by winking at a child and promising to work things out later is divisive. It communicates, “We both know that Dad [Mom] doesn’t get it, but we do.” Despite good intentions, this undermines marital unity.

Welch’s advice? Wise parents bless each other publicly. They prioritize unity over personal preferences. Instead of settling for impasse, they commit to working through their differences. After all, parenting is a joint venture, and children benefit most from a united front.

Read the full article by Ed Welch here: Good Cop, Bad Cop in the Home